I've Had My Moments
by Ysidro
Summary: Rated for thoughts of suicide. A side story to "Raising the Bar." Toby follows a hunch and prevents Harry Potter from making a mistake. An explanation of how Toby got to Kwikspell Academy in the first place. Songfic based on Emerson Drive's "Moments."


Disclaimer: Harry Potter characters belong to J.K. Rowling. Olympics aren't mine either. All others belong to me. "Moments" belongs to Emerson Drive.

A/N: Warning, does contain thoughts of suicide. Just thoughts. This takes place right between Book 5 and Book 6, during the summer when Harry gets sloppy. To make up for the fact that I've been leaving "Raising the Bar" for so long. Songfic since I love this so much.

* * *

It was a busy night at Toby's as per usual. Anita was waiting tables and Toby was manning the bar as always. Charles had even volunteered to help, since he had nothing better to do until sun-up. It looked as if it was going to be a profitable night.

"Can you watch the bar for me?" Toby said to Charles out of the blue. "I need to go for a walk."

Charles looked down at the wizard's prosthetic legs and raised a crimson eyebrow. Charles was not the best bar-tender in the world since he tended to scare the customers. However, Toby had been working all night, so maybe he needed some night air.

"Trust me on this one Charles," Toby said. "Just call it a hunch."

"Of course," the vampire replied. Generally Toby's hunches were correct and it was best not to try to figure out why. "Enjoy your walk."

Hobbling away with his cane in hand, Charles hoped that Toby's inkling was correct.

* * *

_I was coming to the end of a long long walk_

Harry was done. Finished. No more Chosen One, no more saving the Wizarding World, no more pain. He was just going to end it now.

He was tired of running. Tired of thinking of Sirius and how he could have saved him. He wanted nothing more than to forget about how Cedric had died in front of him and how many people would continue to die because of him. Ending it would be a relief.

_  
When a man crawled out of a cardboard box  
Under the E. Street Bridge  
Followed me on to it_

Toby watched as a young man walked out onto one of London's lesser-known bridges. It was 2:00 in the morning; what was he doing out at this hour? Then again, people would ask him the same question. What WAS an old cripple doing on a bridge in the middle of the night?

Following a hunch.

Harry risked a glance behind him. If a wizard saw him, he'd make it into the Daily Prophet once again. "Chosen One Suicidal." He could almost hear Rita Skeeter's giggles of happiness upon hearing the news.

All he could see was the shadow of a man with a cane hobbling along the bridge. He'd wait until the old man crossed; he couldn't even risk a Muggle seeing him. A kid with a lightning-bolt shaped scar was easy to spot, and no doubt a wizard would recognize him in the papers.

_  
I went out halfway across  
With that homeless shadow tagging along_

He recognized that face in an instant. It had been all over the wizard papers. Toby may not have enjoyed the blood-feud of the Wizarding World, but he did read the papers. He may spend most of his time either teaching, bartending, or warding off the occasional magical creature, but he still had to keep current.

Harry Potter was a legend anyways.

_  
So I dug for some change  
Wouldn't need it anyway_

The man wasn't crossing. In fact, he seemed to be headed towards Harry. Harry flinched; he may not intend to be alive by the end of the night, but being mugged by a random old man was not in his agenda. He turned around and watched in shock as the old man came up to the railing and stood beside him.

_  
He took it lookin' just a bit ashamed_

"You know, a while back I was standing right here like you," the old man said, tapping the railing with his cane. "Long before your time of course, but standing here nonetheless."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows as the man leaned against the railing. His voice was almost conversational; as if Harry's life wasn't at risk at all. Just two strangers engaging in a normal conversation.

_  
He said, You know, I haven't always been this way  
_

"Right after I got these," the man said, tapping his cane against his legs. Harry could hear the hollow sound of prosthetic legs. "It was the only time I was glad that landmine took out my legs; if I still had them, I'd be a heap of bones at the bottom of that river."

Harry stared at the stranger, puzzled. Why was he talking to Harry? Obviously this guy had gotten over whatever problems he had, but this old man wasn't the Chosen One. Right now Harry wished he wasn't.

_  
I've had my moments, days in the sun  
Moments I was second to none_

"You know, there's always something worth going back to," the old man said, nodding his head. "Last time I was sitting here, I just couldn't see it. Must have had blinders on or something. Getting tunnel vision in my old age I think."

_  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do_

"Thought I was worthless, dead to the world. I might as well have been; kept myself away from everyone I held dear; they couldn't see me like this. Thought life was something you could throw away but you can't."

Harry looked at the man, puzzled. Why was he lecturing him? He had just admitted to wanting to jump off the bridge before; he was no better than Harry. Couldn't he just let him alone and continue on his late-night walk?

_  
Like that plane ride coming home from the war_

"I got the best news in the world the day I lost my legs," the man continued, the wind rustling through his grey hair.

_That summer my son was born_

"My wife sent me a letter; she had just had our son. I was going to leave the base that very day, just had to get to the plane. Then I stepped on the mine; my mind wandering. Got saved by a fellow soldier, but couldn't bear to have them to have to deal with a crippled man as a husband and father. Told them to write back saying I was dead. Cowardly I know, but I knew my brother-in-law would take care of them. It was the stupidest thing I've ever done."__

And memories like a coat so warm  
A cold wind can't get through

"I made a life for myself here anyways, teaching at a local school. Helping people who think they're worthless find a way to make things better. Made a few friends along the way and hopefully I've kept some away from this bridge at 2 a.m."

_  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments_

"We can't change fate Kid, but sometimes changing your attitude on life can make all the difference."__

I stood there tryin' to find my nerve

Harry looked down at his jumper and fiddled with it. He had considered wearing the one Mrs. Weasley had made him for Christmas, but that would have been devastating. He didn't need to see them suffer anymore than they had to. They were his friends after all.

_  
Wondering if a single soul on Earth  
Would care at all  
Miss me when I'm gone_

The Dursleys wouldn't care if he was gone; one less mouth to feed. They didn't even care that he had been riding the subways non-stop for the last few weeks, they'd be glad to see him go. They had told him so many times that they didn't want him; why not fulfill their wish for good?

Snape wouldn't frankly give a damn. He'd be more than willing to see him go, would have probably offered to push him off himself. The Brat Who Lived wouldn't have to darken his classroom any longer. The Potions Master probably would have smiled for the first time in years.

And Voldemort, well, he'd have full reign of the Wizarding World. He'd be happy as a clam destroying everything in his path. And Harry would have done it himself; no blood on Voldemort's hands. The prophesy would be fulfilled. Voldemort would live and Harry would die. Simple as that.

_  
That old man just kept hanging around  
Lookin' at me, lookin' down_

The man was still there though. The wounded soldier was still there looking out onto the river with blue eyes. His grey jacket fluttered in the wind and Harry had the feeling he was trying to save him. Saving him by ignoring him. It was a rather odd tactic in Harry's eyes, but the man's presence was rather comforting.

_I think he recognized  
That look in my eyes_

Toby knew that look. The look of a boy on the fence about a decision. The look of a desperate person, one that was easy to spot when you yourself had been in that position before. Toby just hoped that he was doing the right thing.

Back when Toby himself had been debating the very same thing, a random man in his thirties had come up to him. He had offered to buy Toby a drink and then would leave him to his business. Toby had decided to take up the man's offer; one last drink couldn't hurt anything.

He had taken Toby to The Bar.

Since then, Toby hadn't left. Not really anyways. Just on outings such as this. Outings to stop others from making stupid decisions. Like the decision Harry Potter was about to make.

_  
Standing with him there I felt ashamed  
I said, You know, I haven't always been this way_

"You got friends Kid?" the man said softly. "Fellow like you should have friends."

"Yeah," Harry replied. "A couple."

"I'm sure they're good friends," the man said, surveying Harry as he held his cane in both hands. "You close?"

"Can't keep us apart," Harry blushed a deep crimson. "They call us the 'Golden Trio.'"

"Well I'm sure there's some sort of story behind that," the man smiled. His teeth were uneven and his smile lop-sided, but Harry could tell it was one with good intentions. "There always is."__

I've had my moments, days in the sun  
Moments I was second to none

"I guess you could say I've made a name for myself at school," Harry admitted softly. "I'm head of one of the school sports' teams and started a self-defense club."

Harry supposed that was the Muggle way of describing Dumbledore's Army; it had been a self-defense club. Hopefully Ron and Hermoine would keep it going, in case they got some incompetent teacher like Umbridge again. But he wasn't exactly following the spirit of DA either; jumping off of a bridge wasn't exactly self-defense.

_  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do_

"I won my school a trophy in an event kind of like the Olympics," Harry Potter continued. That was almost what the Triwizard Tournament was; except a bit more dangerous. Olympic athletes didn't have to ward off dragons or mer-folk.

_  
Like the day I walked away from the wine  
For a woman who became my wife  
And a love that, when it was right,  
Could always see me through_

"Girlfriend?" was Toby's next response, hoping that was the right thing to ask.

"I had one a while back," Harry replied. "She was still in love with her ex-boyfriend though, so I guess that doesn't really count."

"Potentials?" Toby decided that open questions were the way to go. Kept the boy talking.

"Well, there is one girl…" Harry's voice trailed off at the thought of Ginny smiling as she produced her first Patronus. Her rosy blush when he first came to The Burrow. "She's my best friend's sister, and she's brilliant. He'd go nuts though; he's a bit protective."

"Don't take offence to it Kid," Toby smiled. "Brothers are always protective of their sisters. Play your cards right and you'll be a couple soon."

_  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments  
_

"You said that I could go back; accept my life and its baggage for what it is. But what if it's just too big for me to handle by myself?"

"You see this cane right here?" Toby replied, tapping it on the ground for emphasis. "If you didn't know what it was, you'd never guess it could support a guy with no legs. But somehow or another it does. That's what friends and family are for. They're here to support you, no matter what's goin' on in your life. If your friends and that girl in your life are like you say, something tells me you'll win in the end. Just like you did with that Olympics thing, minus the trophy."

"I don't know who 'they' are, but they say that not everything that glitters is gold. But I'll tell ya something different Kid; good solid relationships are like gold. They may not always glitter, and they may get a bit tarnished, but mark my words, there golden nonetheless."

Harry and Toby looked out onto the water once again, silence hovering between them. Within a few minutes, Toby's well-tuned ears picked up the sound of a certain Boy-Who-Will-Still-Be-Alive-Tomorrow-Morning walking away. Toby stood up and cracked his protesting back.

Suicidal teen or not, he still had an establishment to run.

#####################################################################################_  
I know somewhere 'round a trashcan fire tonight  
That old man tells his story one more time_

Toby shambled into the familiar chaos that was Kwikspell Academy. Charles had apparently done a horrible job at tending and Anita practically tackled the old man with complaints. Toby eventually managed to get behind the bar and continued on with his nightly duties.

_  
He says  
I've had my moments, days in the sun  
Moments I was second to none  
Moments when I knew I did what I thought I couldn't do_

"May I ask as to whether your endeavor was prosperous?" Charles asked. He had surrendered his position behind the counter and now sat on one of the stools.

"You already did Charles," Toby's eyes narrowed. "And yes, it was."

"I suppose asking what exactly you were doing would be futile?" the vampire inquired, raising an eyebrow. It was more of a statement than a question.

_  
Like that cool night on the E. Street Bridge  
When a young man almost ended it  
I was right there, wasn't scared a bit  
And I helped to pull him through_

"Toby's got walls around his thoughts stronger than you Charles," Anita scoffed, setting some empty glasses on the counter. "Just drop it; I gave up trying to prod years ago."

"I suppose that is advisable," Charles smiled, fangs glinting in the light. "May I have a refill?"

"Sure," Anita smiled as Toby handed her a REAL Bloody Mary. "For you."

With a flourish, Anita promptly dumped the contents over Charles' head.

"THAT is for being a horrible bartender," Anita said as Charles glared at her darkly. "Toby, please don't have any more hunches for a while okay?"

Toby sincerely hoped he wouldn't.

_  
Lookin' at me now you might not know it  
Oh, lookin' at me now you might not know it  
But I've had my moments_

_  
_"Damn blasted bird," Toby cursed under his breath. He was attempting to tie a letter on its leg, but the bird kept on nipping him. Toby already had two band-aids on his fingers and it looked like he was going to need another. "Why can't Hogwarts use the bloody post like everyone else?"

The jingling of the front door stopped Toby's rant. He looked up from his place behind the counter and smiled. This was an unexpected, but not inconvenient visit.

There in the doorway was his son.

"Sorry to drop by uninvited," Alexander Severus Snape said. He was dressed in black slacks and a white dress-shirt, not unlike the one he had been wearing the first time they had officially met. "I was in the neighborhood and figured the door would be unlocked."

"Always is," Toby's crooked grin was a comfort as the younger Snape sat down on a barstool. "For you anyways. No drinks though; we're officially closed right now."

"I had to come and thank you myself," Alexander explained, more to himself than to Toby. "If I had been more aware…if there had been better surveillance on Mr. Potter…"

"…he would have wound up on that very same bridge with me," Toby finished, allowing the owl to fly away. There was no point in sending his son a letter now. "Fate works in mysterious ways; haven't you learned anything?"

"Yes, Fate seems to have a sick sense of humor," Alexander replied, looking at the floor. There was a large reddish stain on the ground. "Trouble last night?"

"Charles and Anita got a bit…unruly," Toby replied. "It's tomato juice."

"Oh," was his son's simple reply. He had thought it was someone's dinner. "I guess I should leave then."

"Yeah, guess so," Toby shrugged. "If you're ever in the neighborhood again…"

"I'll be sure to stop by," the younger Snape replied, a small smile on his face. He left The Bar with a clanging of the bell signaling a student had just left.

Toby grinned and continued with the dishes, silently thanking Fate for giving him something worth living for.

_I've had my moments  
I've had my moments  
I've had my moments_

End!


End file.
